This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
