Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
