In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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