She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
