Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
