I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
