I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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