We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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