I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
