An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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