She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
