i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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