She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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