i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
