just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Drunk walkin through police station. America
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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