you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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