you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
