the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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