omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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