Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
