If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
