I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
