i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
