The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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