I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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