i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
