I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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