I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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