So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
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Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
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We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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