Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
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He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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