Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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