I wish I could punch you in the face.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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