i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
