Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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