Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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