Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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