i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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