Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
