I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
