And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
