why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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