I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
