Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
