Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
