I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize