Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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