the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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