I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
