ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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