have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
