I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
