So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Too much gin, very little bucket
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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