Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
