so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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