I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
