You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
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I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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