Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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