I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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