I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
