My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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