she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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