I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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