My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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