he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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