But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
