It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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