I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
