saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
