so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Even my vagina gasped.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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