On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
sex in a hospital.. check
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
