you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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