It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
