Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
