the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
