so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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