So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
