ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
